Sumita Chakraborty lists five valid reasons why she swears off office romance.
You stare across your workstation and your heart suddenly does a 360 degree somersault… oh my God, there he stands… the man of your dreams flashing a million watts smile. You gape as your boss walks in and introduces the Adonis as “the new programmer and a member of our core team”. Hurray! Could Cupid really have been so kind, you think as you do mental cartwheels? And as the days pass, your crush blossoms into a full blown love affair… all of course in the kaleidoscopic world of your mind. He’s everything you wanted in a man – good-looking with the hottest dimples, articulate – he actually spoke about the advantages of Windows Vista 3 for an entire moment which of course, you didn’t hear even a single word because you were too busy mentally dancing around the nearest tree with the cute programmer in tow.
So is it fun having a crush in office. Well, the advantages are pretty colourful. The love of your life is in your office and you’re practically rubbing shoulders with him for almost 12 hours. You can make excuses – work related – just to talk to him and nobody will care a whit. He’s there beside you when you have that ‘eureka’ moment and when he looks at you with awe, you feel as if you’ve won the Olympic gold medal. …Life really can’t get better.
But perhaps as the saying goes ‘all the glitters is not gold’ works in this case. There are several reasons why having a crush at Office can also be the worst thing on earth. Let’s be the naysayer and list 5 good reasons why an office crush can get you so crushed… that you run for dear life to the opposite direction from the word ‘office crush’.
a) The Man Is a monologue king and he refuses to STOP: You walk up to the cute guy, bat your eyelashes coquettishly and ask him a bit about the computer. He starts to rattle off monologues after monologues until the blurry fog of love suddenly lifts, and you actually start to focus, until you can’t fathom any more…. Man, the ‘love of your life’ is a motor-mouth – he just refuses to stop. In fact, he made a boring subject like computers unimaginably more boring. And as he goes on to his tenth monologue without taking a breath, you realise to your horror that the man has barely started and the torture will continue for another hour… decade or more. Suddenly, love doesn’t seem as rosy as it looked before.
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b) The Man is Bollywoodphobic: But you’re a die-hard romantic, and hey, you’re going to make ‘love’ happen. Once bitten, you steer clear of any conversation about ‘computers’ and you smile dazzlingly at the man of the moment and talk about Bollywood. The man suddenly gets a very haunted expression on his face. He says, almost fearfully, ‘I don’t really like Bollywood – the films scare me – they are meaningless and frivolous.” What? He can’t be for real. But you’re not one to give up. And as you start talking about how good ‘Badrinath Ki Dulhaniya’ is, he asks rather stupidly: what is that? What?? He doesn’t know Varun Dhawan and Alia Bhatt? He doesn’t know Bollywood. OMG what are we going to do for
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c) The Man Is Too Sloshed To Bother: Never mind, you say, let’s check his party-o-meter… as you head to the office party. And as the music blast to precarious levels and your boss and your team members start dancing like maniacs, you look around for your victim umm ‘the love of your life’. You find him plonked at the bar nursing some potent poison looking rather gobsmacked. You walk up to him enticingly, ready to ask him for a dance. Until you realise that the reason he’s propped against the bar is because without any support, he would slither off down like the ‘Nagins’ from the TV serials. You take a step in front but one look at his frothing gaping mouth, you realise it’s time to cut slack and run far away.
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d) The Man is a mommy’s boy: But a person in love is a determined one. So you dust off the not so happy experiences and move on… to him again. This time, you’re sure… no Bollywood and no computers. Let’s talk about travel. Don’t you just love to travel to far off places and get lost in a natural ambience, far away from the maddening crowd? The man wipes his spectacles nervously and says, “I travel every day from Vasai to Prabhadevi – beyond that, I’ve never travelled – my mum doesn’t allow it!”
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e) The Man is an ‘Alia Bhatt’: By now you do feel that love is perhaps not very happening. But you still give it one last try. Okay, let’s talk about politics, you say. The man smiles confidently and says, “I love politics. My fave President until now has definitely been Narendra Modi!”
…Perhaps having an office crush is not a very rosy thing. You get to know the flaws and see the warts of the person up close… and do you feel the same love then? Not really!
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